Antioch California Living

Men, for the most part, like to pursue women. We like not knowing if we can catch you. We feel
rewarded when we do. Especially when the chase is a long one. We know there was a sexual revolution.
(We loved it.) We know women are capable of running governments, heading multinational corporations,
and raising loving children—sometimes all at the same time. That, however, doesn’t make men different.
It’s So Simple

Imagine right now that I’m leaping up and down and shaking my fist at the sky. I’m on my knees pleading with you. I’m saying this in a loud voice: “Please, if you can trust one thing I say in this book, let it be this: When it comes to men, deal with us as we are, not how you’d like us to be.” I know it’s an infuriating concept—that men like to chase and you have to let us chase you. I know. It’s insulting. It’s frustrating. It’s unfortunately the truth. My belief is that if you have to be the aggressor, if you have to pursue, if you have to do the asking out, nine times out of ten, he’s just not that into you. (And we want you to believe you’re one of the nine, ladies!) I can’t say it loud enough: You, the superfox reading this book, are worth asking out.

Here’s Why This One is Hard, by Liz
Well, it’s obvious. Are you telling us that we have to just sit around and wait? I don’t know about you, but I find that infuriating. I was brought up to believe that hard work and good planning are the keys to making your dreams come true. I spent my life making things happen for myself. I worked hard for my career, and was quite aggressive about it. I called people, made appointments, asked for favors. I took action. But now Greg is telling us that in this situation, we are supposed to do absolutely nothing. The guys get to pick. We’re just supposed to put on our little dresses and do our hair and bat our eyes and hope they choose us. Why don’t you just tie my corset too tight so I can faint in front of some man who’ll scoop me out of the way just before the horse-drawn carriage runs over me? That’ll get his attention.

Taken From: He’s Just Not That Into You

Dear Judy Blackout,
The city blacked out. He didn’t. You said you work for different branches of the same company. Certainly he wouldn’t have to break a sweat to scroll through the company staff roster or interoffice e-mail listing to find you. And should he not be as resourceful as you are…I imagine that he has a mother, sister, or female friend that could show him how, if he was really interested. P.S.: Shame on you for using an eastern seaboard disaster as an excuse to call a guy up.

Have faith. You made an impression. Leave it at that. If he likes you, he’ll still remember you after the tsunami, flood, or Red Sox loss. If he doesn’t, he’s not worth your time. Know why? You are great. (Now, don’t get cocky.) The “Maybe I Don’t Want to Play Games” Excuse

Dear Greg,
This is dumb. I know you’re not supposed to call guys, but I call guys all the time because I don’t care! I don’t want to play games. I do whatever I want! I’ve called guys tons of times. You’re such a square, Greg. Why do you think we can’t call guys and ask them out? Nikki

Dear Nikki,
Because we don’t like it. Okay, some guys might like it, but they’re just lazy. And who wants to go out with Lazy Guy? It’s that simple. I didn’t make the rules and I might not even agree with them. Please don’t be mad at me, Nikki. I’m not advocating that women go back to the Stone Age. I just think you might want to be realistic in how capable you are of
changing the primordial impulses that drive all of human nature.
Or maybe you’re the chosen one.

Taken From: He’s Just Not That Into You

Dear Greg,
I met a really cute guy at a bar this week. He gave me his number and told me to give him a call sometime. I thought that was kind of cool, that he gave me control of the situation like that. I can call him, right?
Lauren

Dear Control Freak,
Did he give you control, or did he just get you to do the heavy lifting? What he just did was a magic trick: It seems like he gave you control, but really he now gets to decide if he wants to go out with you—or even return your call. Why don’t you take Copperfield’s number, roll it in a newspaper, pour milk in it, and make it disappear.

“Give me a call.” “E-mail me.” “Tell Joey we should all hang out sometime.” Don’t let him trick you into asking him out. When men want you, they do the work. I know it sounds old school, but when men like
women, they ask them out. The “Maybe He Forgot to Remember Me” Excuse

Dear Greg,
Okay, Greg. Listen to this one: I was at a conference for work and met a guy from another branch of my company. We hit it off immediately. He was just about to ask for my number, I swear, when the Big Blackout of 2003 happened. In the mayhem, I didn’t get to give him my number. I think the Big Blackout of 2003 is a good enough excuse to call him, don’t you think? It’s only common courtesy for me to check up on him, right? If I don’t call, he’s probably going to be all sad thinking that I’m just not that into him. Judy

Taken From: He’s Just Not That Into You

Let me say it again, sexual harassment rules and workplace memos notwithstanding, a guy will ask out a woman of higher status if he’s into her. He might need a little more encouragement than normal, I’ll give you that. You might have to lead Johnny the Office Boy or Phillipe the Exterminator to water, but you better not help him ask you out. Once again, ladies, a wink and a smile will do it. By the way, why are you dating the exterminator? Just kidding, he’s a good guy. The “Maybe He Wants to Take It Slow” Excuse

Dear Greg,
There’s this guy who calls me all the time. He’s recently divorced, and in AA. We got back in touch recently, had lots of phone calls, and then hung out twice in one week and it was real cool. No flirting or making out or anything, but fun. Since then, he calls me all the time but doesn’t
ever suggest we see each other in person again. It’s like he got scared or something. I would understand if because of the divorce/alcoholic/starting-a-wholenew- life stuff he wanted to take things slow. But he still calls me all the time to have long heartto- heart talks. What the hell should I do with this guy? Jen

Dear Pillow Talk,
Sadly, not wanting to see you in person is massive as far as dating obstacles go. And as far as the recently divorced/newly sober/starting-anew- life parts, blah blah blah, I’m getting sleepy, it’s hot, I’m going down for a nap. When I wake up from that nap I’ll probably thrill to the news that your friend is taking control of his life. You, however, will still not be going on a date, because despite all your excuses for him, he’s still not asking you out. Now, if you’re a person who enjoys a slightly satisfying phone relationship, talk on! But at this point it seems like he’s just not that into you. Be his friend if you’re at all interested on that level, but move your romantic inclinations onto a more suitable future husband.

If a guy truly likes you, but for personal reasons he needs to take things slow, he will let you know that immediately. He won’t keep you guessing, because he’ll want to make sure you don’t get frustrated and
go away. The “But He Gave Me His Number” Excuse

Taken From: He’s Just Not That Into You

Dear Friendly Girl,
Two weeks is two weeks, except when it’s ten years and two weeks. That’s how long ago he decided whether or not he could date a model or a girl who looks like one. Can you be a pal and give him a nudge? Nudge away, friendster—but watch how fast that nudge doesn’t get
a return phone call. And if your dinner/date did feel different to him, it’s been two weeks and he’s had time to think about it and decide he’s just not that into you. Here’s the truth: Guys don’t mind messing up a friendship if it could lead to sex, whether it be a “fuck buddy” situation or a meaningful romance. Go find someone that lives in your zip code
who will be rocked to the core by your deep conversation and model looks.

I hate to tell you, but that whole “I don’t want to ruin the friendship” excuse is a racket. It works so well because it seems so wise. Sex could mess up a friendship. Unfortunately, in the entire history of mankind, that excuse has never ever been used by someone who actually means it. If we’re really excited about someone, we can’t stop ourselves—we want more. If we’re friends with someone and attracted to them, we’re going to want to take it further. And please, don’t tell me he’s just “scared.” The only thing he’s scared of—and I say this with a lot of love—is how not attracted to you he is.
The “Maybe He’s Intimidated by Me” Excuse

Dear Greg,
I have a crush on my gardener. He’s been potting the plants on my patio. It was hot, I saw him without his shirt on, he was hot, and now I’m hot for him. I brought out some beers and we talked. I think he wants to ask me out but is afraid, because he is my hired man. In this situation, can’t I ask him out? Cherie

Dear My Secret Garden,
He’s capable of asking you out. Haven’t you ever seen a porno? Hope he gets there before the pizza guy. But seriously, if he didn’t pick up the vibe after the beer garden, it has nothing to do with you being his big boss lady. Time to stop and smell the bad news: He’s just not that into you.

Taken From: He’s Just Not That Into You

Because If He Likes You, Trust Me, He Will Ask You Out
Many women have said to me, “Greg, men run the world.” Wow. That makes us sound pretty capable. So tell me, why would you think we could be incapable of something as simple as picking up the phone and asking you out? You seem to think at times that we’re “too shy” or we “just got out of something.” Let me remind you: Men find it very satisfying to get what they want. (Particularly after a difficult day of
running the world.) If we want you, we will find you. If you don’t think you gave him enough time to notice you, take the time it took you to notice him and divide it by half.

Now you begin the life-changing experience of reading our book. We have put the stories we have heard and questions we’ve been asked in a simple question-and-answer format. If you’re lucky, you’ll read the following questions and know what they are: Excuses that women have made for their unsatisfying situations. If you’re not so lucky, we’ve also included handy titles to clue you in.

The “Maybe He Doesn’t Want to Ruin the Friendship” Excuse
Dear Greg,
I’m so disappointed. I have this friend that I’ve known platonically for about ten years. He lives in a different city and recently he was in town for work, so we met for dinner. All of a sudden it felt like we were on a date. He was completely flirting with me. He even said to me, as he was
checking me out, “So, what, you’re working the whole ‘model thing’ now?” (That’s flirting, right?) We both agreed that we should get together again soon. Well, Greg, I’m disappointed because it’s been two weeks and he hasn’t called me. Can I call him? He might be nervous about turning the friendship into romance. Can’t I give him a nudge now? Isn’t that what friends arefor? Jodi

Taken From: He’s Just Not That Into You

Step 5: Organize your list into a plan. Organize your list by priority and sequence. Take a few minutes to decide what you need to do first and what you can do later. Even better, lay out your plan visually, in the form of a series of boxes and circles on a sheet of paper. You’ll be amazed at how much easier it is to achieve your goal when you break it down into individual tasks. With a written goal and an organized plan of action, you’ll be far more productive than someone who’s carrying his goals in his mind.

Step 6: Take action on your plan immediately. An average plan vigorously executed is far better than a brilliant plan on which nothing is done. For you to achieve any kind of success, execution is everything.

Step 7: Resolve to do something every single day that moves you toward your major goal. Read a specific number of pages on a key subject. Call on a specific number of prospects or customers. Engage in a specific period of physical exercise. Learn a certain number of new words in a foreign language. Never miss a day. Keep pushing forward. Once you start moving, keep moving. Don’t stop. This decision, this
discipline alone, can make you one of the most productive and successful people of your generation.

Clear written goals have a wonderful effect on your thinking. They motivate you and galvanize you into action. Goals are the fuel in the furnace of achievement. The bigger your goals and the clearer they are, the more excited you become about achieving your goals, the greater becomes your inner drive and desire to accomplish them.

Taken From:Seven Simple Steps for Setting and Achieving Your Goals

Step 1: Decide exactly what you want. It’s amazing how many people are working away, day after day, on low-value tasks because they’ve not decided what they want.

Step 2: Write it down. Think on paper. When you write down your goal, you crystallize it and give it tangible form. You create something that you can touch and see. On the other hand, a goal or objective that’s not in writing is merely a wish or fantasy. It has no energy behind it. Unwritten goals lead to confusion, vagueness, misdirection and numerous mistakes.

Step 3: Set a deadline with your goal. A goal or decision without a deadline has no urgency. It has no real beginning or end. Without a definite deadline, you’ll naturally procrastinate and get little done.

Step 4: Make a list of everything you can think of that you’re going to have to do to achieve your goal. As you think of new activities, add them to your list. Keep building your list until it is complete. A list gives you a visual picture of the larger objective. It dramatically increases the likelihood that you’ll achieve your goals as you have defined it and on schedule.

Taken From:Seven Simple Steps for Setting and Achieving Your Goals

The number one reason some people get more work done faster is because they are
absolutely clear about their goals and objectives and they don’t deviate from them.

A major reason for procrastination and lack of motivation is vagueness, confusion, and fuzzy-mindedness about what you’ve supposed to do and in what order and for what reason. You must avoid this common condition with all your strength by striving for greater clarity in everything you do.

Here is a great rule for success: Think on paper.

Only about 3% of adults have clear, written goals. These people accomplish five and ten times as much as people of equal or better education and ability but who have never taken the time to write out exactly what it is they want.

There’s a powerful formula for setting and achieving goals that you can use for the rest of your life. It consists of seven simple steps. Taking any one of these steps can double or triple your productivity if you’re not currently using it. Many graduates of my training programs have increased their incomes dramatically in a matter of a few years, or even a few months, with this simple, seven-step method.

Taken From:Seven Simple Steps for Setting and Achieving Your Goals

For example, if you are in sales, your limiting step may be the number of prospects you have. If this is the case, then your job is to do everything possible and to use all your creative capacities to increase your number of prospects until it is no longer a problem. Then, of course, there will be another limiting step, and your job is to go to work on that.

If you have a business, your limiting step may be the number of qualified people who are responding to your advertising. If this is the choke point that hinders the amount you sell and the speed at which your company grows, it behooves you to concentrate your mental powers on relieving that bottleneck. You must concentrate the very best thinking abilities
of yourself and others on increasing the number of qualified prospects that your advertising and promotional efforts attract.

In relationships and misunderstandings between people, there is almost invariably a sticking point or subject area that needs to be resolved in order to bring about harmony again. Your job is, first, to identify this limiting step and then, second, to find a way to alleviate the difficulty to the satisfaction of everyone involved.

You are a genius, and you were born with the potential for exceptional creativity. But creative abilities are latent. They are like muscles that grow with use. You can increase your creative powers by using them, over and over, in every situation, deliberately and specifically, until creativity and a creative response to life is as natural to you as breathing in and out is. There are very few things that you can do that can have a more powerful positive impact on your entire life than becoming excellent in creative thinking. And you can if you think you can.

Taken From:A Guide For Creative Thinking