Antioch California Living

That’s the hard question. And women are smart. If they really got quiet and stopped listening to the excuses, or believing what they wanted to be true and what they hope he’s really saying, and just got all centered about it, I think women would always know. They’ll always know the difference between a man who truly has issues with marriage but is deeply committed to the relationship and them, and a guy who’s just being a weenie.

But this is what’s hard about this one. It’s very easy to feel stupid about wanting to get married, particularly when you’re with someone who doesn’t. I mean, you two are so happy together—why rock the boat? It’s just like you’re married, so what’s the big deal? What do you care what your family thinks—are they living with you? Just because all your friends are getting married, does that mean you have to? Jeez, it sounds like you don’t care who you marry. You just want to be married.

These are really good points. And let’s face it, marriage hasn’t gotten a lot of good press in the past four decades. And some women, frankly, really don’t care who they marry and just want to be married. But again, that’s not what we’re talking about. Before you enter into the sociopolitical-anthropological debate about marriage as an antiquated financial contract, blah, blah, blah, ask yourself some very serious questions. Questions that only you can answer in your most sane, clear-headed of moments: Do you feel truly loved? Do you feel he is deeply committed to you? Do you feel he has any doubts about wanting to build a life with you? If the answer to these questions are yes, yes, no, then let the debating begin, because he might have a point. But if you feel that he’s always holding something back, or that you’re spending a lot of energy trying to change yourself into something you think will make him happier, then divorce yourself from him and move on. Don’t let him make you feel stupid about wanting to feel loved.

Taken From: He’s Just Not That Into You

Dear Greg,
Yes. Breakup sex. It’s been hot. Emotional. Amazing. I’m tortured and I love him and I can’t stop myself. I thought that you were allowed breakup sex, but now I’m in over my head. Help. Ileen

Dear If You Know Better, Why Are You Still at His Apartment?
Hey, girl. Put down the penis, put your clothes back on, and go directly to your best friend’s house. Do not find an excuse to stay. Do not think that because of all the crazy hotness of it all, it now means that you’re meant to be together. Yes, breakup sex does seem like a good idea, because, hey, it’s nice to have sex with someone you know. And it’s nice to have sex with someone you have all these dramatic feelings about. It makes it all, well, dramatic. But now you know. It confuses everything and makes you feel like crap, because face it, you’re a woman, and women can’t separate sex and emotions. (How many times will you make me have to say that? I sound like such a jerk!) So now you don’t ever have to make that mistake again. Got it? He’s not into you. He’s into the very-bad- dea-thatmasquerades- as-a-good-idea, breakup sex. Over and out.

Don’t underestimate the power of sex, even with someone you’ve been doing it with for a very long time. Especially with someone you’ve been doing it with for a very long time. Breaking up means not seeing them again, which also implies not seeing them naked again. It may be tempting to forget this pearl of wisdom, but just remember, it’s still called breakup sex. No one has yet to rename it oh-my-God-the-sexwas-
so-good-wegot- back-together-again-and-lived-happily-ever-after sex.

Taken From: He’s Just Not That Into You

“Why?”
“Because then it becomes integrated into your routine as a ritual. By practicing it at the same time every day, a daily dose of silence will soon become a habit that you will never neglect. And positive life habits inevitably guide you to your destiny.”

“Anything else?”
“Yes. If at all possible, commune with nature daily. A quick walk through the woods or even a few minutes spent cultivating your tomato garden in the backyard will reconnect you to the wellspring of calm that may now be dormant within you. Being with nature also allows you to tune in to the infinite wisdom of your highest self. This self-knowledge will move you into the uncharted dimensions of your personal power. Never forget this,” advised Julian, his voice rising with passion.

“Has this ritual worked well for you, Julian?”
“Absolutely. I rise with the sun and the first thing I do is head off to my secret sanctuary. There I explore the Heart of the Rose for as long as need be. Some days I spend hours in quiet contemplation. On other days I spend only ten minutes. The result is more or less the same: a deep sense of inner harmony and an abundance of physical energy. Which brings me to the second ritual. This is the Ritual of Physicality.”

“Sounds interesting. What’s it about?”
“It’s about the power of physical care.”
“Huh?”
“It’s simple. The Ritual of Physicality is based on the principle that says as you care for the body so you care for the mind. As you prepare your body, so you prepare your mind. As you train your body, so you train your mind. Take some time every single day to
nourish the temple of your body through vigorous exercise. Get your blood circulating and your body moving. Did you know that there are 168 hours in a week?”

Taken From:THE MONK WHO SOLD HIS FERRARI

I don’t think so. I think it’s a smart, scrappy plan that shows a fine combination of wile and maturity. I can’t believe that in the history of mankind and breakups, it has never ever worked. What is wrong with
these men?

Fine. Breakups, I’ve heard, are supposed to be just that. Breaks. Hard, clean breaks. No talking, no seeing, no touching…keep your hands to yourself. The relationship is over. Half the people I know move after a huge breakup, and frankly that makes perfect sense to me. Again, for the most part, we kind of know this. You’re not supposed to sleep with the guy who just broke your heart a week ago. Fine. But what are we supposed to do instead? How are we going to fill our time if we’re not trying to win him back (while we keep trying to convince our friends that we’re really not), huh?

Fine. Next time I’m in this situation I’ll cry. Stay in bed and wail. Go to the gym if I can. Call all my friends and burden them with my misery. Sleep too much. Cry some more. See my therapist more often. Get a puppy. Do whatever I have to so eventually I can move on. Fine. Have it your way, Greg. I still think my way could work.

Taken From: He’s Just Not That Into You

Having one of your friends or relatives held a wedding party in this upcoming week? Well, you better prepare yourself for the wedding gifts shopping.
Read the rest of this entry »

Sometimes life is incredibly difficult and painful. If you’re looking for a partner to share your life with, it’s better to pick someone who’s able to meet it headlong with his full faculties.

Extra note to the ladies: If you happen to notice an increase in your drinking or smoking while with Mr. Party Man, please be aware. This is not an “if you can’t beat it, get drunk with it” situation. Your getting
drunk won’t make him seem any less of a drinker.

Here’s Why This One is Hard, by Liz
I don’t know why, but I’ve dated a lot of alcoholics. Or as I would have probably said at the time, “guys who like to drink a lot.” I really don’t know why. There isn’t alcoholism anywhere in my family. I’m not a big drinker myself. I think I just always thought they were fun. I loved when my boyfriend climbed the water tower at my friend’s roof party wedding while he was bombed out of his mind and exposed himself to everyone. I thought it was hilarious. And when that guy, drunk, lit a pack of firecrackers in his kitchen just to make me laugh? Well, that was adorable. I found it particularly amusing when my boyfriend disappeared for a week and, after a lot of calling, I found out he moved back in with his ex-girlfriend.

Taken From: He’s Just Not That Into You

“Really?”
“Yes. A poor diet has a pronounced effect on your life. It drains your mental and physical energy. It affects your moods and it hampers the clarity of your mind. Yogi Raman put it this way: ‘As you nourish your body, so you nourish your mind.’”

“I assume then that you changed your diet?”
“Radically. And it made an amazing difference in the way I felt and looked. I always thought that I was so run down because of the stresses and strains of my work and because the wrinkled fingers of old age were reaching out for me. In Sivana, I learned that much of my lethargy was due to the low-octane fuel I was pumping into my body.”

“What did the Sages of Sivana eat to stay so youthful and bright?”
“Live foods,” came the efficient reply.
“Huh?”
“Live foods are the answer. Live foods are foods that are not dead.”

“C’mon, Julian. What are live foods?” I asked impatiently.
“Basically, live foods are those which are created through the
natural interaction of the sun, air, soil and water. What I’m talking
about here is a vegetarian diet. Fill your plate with fresh vegetables, fruits and grains and you might just live forever.”
“Is that possible?”

Taken From:THE MONK WHO SOLD HIS FERRARI

“How does beauty fit into the equation?”
“Beautiful images soothe a ruffled soul,” Julian observed with a deep sigh. “A bouquet of roses or a simple, solitary daffodil will have a highly salutary effect on your senses and relax you no end. Ideally, you should savor such beauty in a space that will serve as a Sanctuary of the Self.”

“What’s that?”
“Basically, it is a place that will become your secret forum for mental and spiritual expansion. This might be a spare room in your house or simply a peaceful corner of a small apartment. The point is to reserve a spot for your renewal activities, a place that sits there quietly awaiting your arrival.”

“I love the sound of that. I think having a silent place to go to when I come home from work would make a world of difference. I could decompress for a while and let go of the stresses of the day It would probably make me a much nicer person to be around.”

“That brings up another important point. The Ritual of
Solitude works best when you practice it at the same time every day.”

Taken From:THE MONK WHO SOLD HIS FERRARI

Love Cures Commitment-Phobia
Just remember this. Every man you have ever dated who has said he doesn’t want to get married or doesn’t believe in marriage, or has “issues” with marriage, will, rest assured, someday be married. It just
will never be with you. Because he’s not really saying he doesn’t want to get married. He’s saying he doesn’t want to get married to you. There is nothing wrong with wanting to get married. You shouldn’t feel ashamed, needy, or “unliberated” for wanting that. So make sure from the start that you pick a guy who shares your views for the future, and if not, move on as quickly as you can. Big plans require big action.

The “Things Are Really Tight Right Now” Excuse
Dear Greg,
I have a boyfriend who I’ve been living with for three years. I’m about to turn thirty-nine, and I have started bringing up the idea of long-term plans, like, say, marriage. He always seems open to it, but then talks about how bad his finances are. He’s an investment banker who works for himself, and he lost a lot of money in the past two years, a lot of clients, as well, and his business really has gone down the tubes. He says he’s under a lot of pressure. Am I being unreasonable to want to know where this is all going? Please let me know.
Barbara

Dear Pressure Cooker,
Definitely do not say a word. Keep very, very quiet. Maybe you should even think aboutmoving into another apartment so you’ll be out of the way during this oh-so-important time. Don’t forget he’s the Most Important Man in the World and his business is failing and that means everything to everybody. What the heck are you thinking, lady? Of course you should know where it’s all going. Do you not value yourself and your time? Certainly three years invested earns you the right to know what your future holds. Any investment banker worth his salt would agree with me. Everyone lost money over the past two years;
the stock market crashed and the economy has been in the toilet, and yet imagine—many have still managed to get married. If you are both in your late thirties, and you’ve been dating for three years, and he’s not begging you to be his wife, you might want to take this stock tip: Mr. Dow Jones is just not that into you.

There will never be a good time, financially, to get married, unless you’re Shaq or Ray Romano. But somehow people manage. If your man is using money as an excuse not to marry you, it’s your relationship that’s insecure, not his bank account.

Taken From: He’s Just Not That Into You

Dear Greg,
You’re so dumb. My boyfriend, you know, the music video director? He says he doesn’t believe in marriage. But I know it’s because of his freaking crazy mother (she’s insane, Greg) and his parents’ totally psycho marriage. I’m so ignoring him because I know he’s going to figure out soon enough that I’m not his mother and he will some day ask me to marry him. Besides, I’m not ready for marriage right now, anyway. Nikki

Dear Nikki,
It’s a shame you’re not ready to marry Mr. Music Video Spielberg, because you guys seem to have all the building blocks of a great and lasting relationship. But seriously, I love guys that tell their women unequivocally that they don’t believe in marriage. I mean, it’s not like they’re giving anyone a hint or anything. Listen, Nikki. This guy isn’t walking down the aisle any time soon unless he’s picking up an MTV Music Video Award. But feel free to keep reminding him that you’re not his mother. In fact, make sure you nag him about it repeatedly, over and over again. He’ll really love that.

It’s a really big deal for a good guy to finally meet the woman he wants to spend the rest of his life with. Chances are, if he truly knows it, he’s not going to immediately tell her that the idea of legally spending the rest of their lives together is repugnant to him. I’m just saying.

Taken From: He’s Just Not That Into You