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It’s So Simple
There’s a difference between eccentric and insane. “Eccentric” will sometimes wear a velvet jacket. “Insane” will only have sex with you when wearing it. There’s a difference between teasing and abuse. Teasing is “Björk called. She wants her dress back.” Abuse is “Boy, are you getting fat.” But the biggest difference is you. You all are ultimately better than the treatment you are receiving from these men.

Here’s Why This One is Hard, by Liz
I’ve been implying this in my “Here’s Why This One Is Hard” responses, but now I’m just going to come right out with it: There aren’t that many good men around. Statistics prove it, articles and books have been written to verify it, and women would be happy to testify under oath about it. And here’s another one: There are more good women out there than good men. I bet you’ve heard or said that one before. Oh, wait, there’s this one as well: A lot of men want to date much younger women, so as you get older, there are even fewer men that want to date you. So let’s have Greg come over to our house with a little pocket calculator and tell us how, given the pure math of it, we’re all going to end up with great men who love us and whom we love back, where there’s a passionate mutual attraction, who also treat us like queens.

Exactly. It can’t happen. So yes, it seems logical, reasonable, and down right savvy for all the fantastic, smart, healthy, funny, kind women out there to start thinking about lowering their expectations. Because I don’t know about you, but I hate being single. I hate going to parties alone. I hate sleeping alone. I hate waking up alone. I hate knowing that every single boring errand I have to do, I’m going to do alone. Ihate not having sex. I hate cooking for one and shopping for one. I hate going to weddings. I hate people asking me why I’m still single. I hate people not asking me why I’m still single. I hate my birthday because I’m still single. I hate having to think about possibly becoming a single mother because I’m single. Have I made myself clear?

Taken From: He’s Just Not That Into You

Dear Greg,
I have been dating a guy for a year who can’t sleep in the same bed with me. After we have sex, which is always nice and great, he has to go sleep on the couch. He tells me he just “can’t deal.” Everything else is fine with our relationship. I just figure he has some intimacy issues that I have to be patient with. Does this have to be a sign that he’s just not that into me, or can I just see thisthrough? Gloria

FROM THE DESK OF GREG
Dear Freak-Lover,
Here’s what I’d like to do: Put money down on the fact that everything is in fact not fine with you and freakboy’s relationship. He hasn’t slept in the same bed with you for a year? This is a freak who needs to be kicked off your freak-loving couch and shown the bottom of your freak-loving boot. The fact that you even care what this freak thinks of you is just proof that the world has indeed gone mad. Call it curtains on the freak show. Please.

If you date, you will meet your share of weirdos and jerks. That is as sure as death and taxes. The only thing in your control is how long you allow these gentlemen to take up space in your life. In case you’re not sure, it should be about ten minutes from when they first display their completely unacceptable behavior (or lizardlike tail). Ten minutes still gives you time to put on all your clothes and make sure you have deleted your number from his cell phone.

Taken From: He’s Just Not That Into You

Dear Greg,
I met a guy who’s really sensitive and sweet. The problem is, he doesn’t like to be physically affectionate. He tells me that he just doesn’t enjoy being touched. We have sex, and it’s nice, but he’s not that into caressing me, either. Everything else about him is great, so it seems like such a strange complaint. Do you think not wanting to cuddle and be touched is a sign that he’s just not that into me? Or could it mean he has intimacy issues? I don’t want to dump him over this, but I like physical affection! Frida

FROM THE DESK OF GREG
Dear Starved for Affection,
Have to say, little suspicious of someone who doesn’t like one of the greatest pleasures on earth. What else does he not like that you don’t know about yet? Puppies? Babies? Having a soul? And if you like being affectionate for all the obvious reasons, then why would you want to doom yourself to a no-touching zone with Mr. Uncomfortable? Yes, some men have a hard time being physically affectionate, but actually not enjoying it? It’s difficult to fathom. He may be really into you, but he’s certainly not really compatible with you. I say move on, meet someone who enjoys the things you like, and have a long life filled with playful grab-ass.

You will meet people who don’t like to be touched, or kissed, or who don’t like sex. You can spend a lot of time trying to fix them, or wondering if you should take it personally. Or you can realize that they simply don’t like to do the things you find absolutely essential to your enjoyment of life, and then go find yourself someone who does.

The Rare and Exotic “He’s Afraid of the Intimacy of Sleep” Excuse

Taken From: He’s Just Not That Into You

Dear Greg,
My boyfriend hasn’t had a job in two years. He’s really sweet and wonderful, but just doesn’t know what he wants to do with his life. He DJs every once and awhile, but basically I support him. (I work and have a little family money.) I know he’s really into me—he just needs to figure out what he wants, right? Or maybe he’s just depressed? Julie

FROM THE DESK OF GREG
Dear Bringing Home the Bacon,
So, I don’t understand. Do you leave him money on the counter in the morning? Or do you pay him for doing chores around the house? Listen, Moneybags. He may be really into you, but he doesn’t seem that into himself, or he wouldn’t have let you support him for two years. Therefore, by living off of you, he is behaving in a way that perfectly resembles someone who is just not that into you. A man that’s really into you and himself will try to get his act together as fast as he can. That means, first and foremost, collecting a salary. And just beware: Often these guys, once they do get their lives in order, feel so good about it that now they think they need to go find a new relationship. (After all, no girl of real quality would have put up with the kind of crap he had dished out for so long.) So I say let him go find himself—just not on your dime. Then see if Mr. DJ spins back into your life again.

People go through rough patches all the time. But as the saying goes, when the going gets tough, the tough don’t ask to borrow five hundred bucks so they can pay their bar tab down at Paddy’s. The only job you need to worry about is the job of finding yourself someone who would never be that comfortable living off of you and your family’s money.

The “Maybe It’s Just His Little Quirk” Excuse

Taken From: He’s Just Not That Into You

Dear Greg,
I’ve been on three dates with a guy who’s a really great catch. He is a journalist who has an incredibly exciting life—he travels, goes on adventures, and has incredibly interesting observations about it all. He’s also really funny. He compliments me and seems to like me and keeps asking me out. He always says he’s had a great time with me. But in fact, in the three dates we’ve had together, he actually hasn’t asked me one question about myself. He is obviously really into me, otherwise why would he keep asking me out and telling me how nice I look? Maybe this is what it’s like dating exciting guys. He’s a great catch, Greg! Ronda

Dear Captive Audience,
You are so lucky to be with such an exciting guy. You get to watch him perform conversational masturbation on you. Hot. He’s clearly as impressed with himself as you are. I hate to tell you this, but he’s not into you; he’s into how you look listening to him. When I met my wife, all I wanted to do was ask her questions. How else was I going to know what she was all about? Yes, I liked telling her my story too—I wanted to impress her with feats of glory—but it was an even exchange, because I thought she was the catch. When two people are connecting, they hunger for information about each other, a sliver of what life is like when you’re not together, a glimpse into their past, a peek into their mind, all in hopes of getting under their skin. This guy sounds like a megalomaniac. At the very least he should be asking you what kind of underwear you’re wearing.

Remember, you are the catch. They are out to snare you. They are not the tasty little mako that will be so good mesquite grilled in a nice lemon sauce. You are. Well, you know what I mean.

The “He’s Just Finding Himself” Excuse

Taken From: He’s Just Not That Into You

Dear Greg,
I have a boyfriend who really understands what I’m going through. I’ve always had a weight problem and I’ve been battling it my whole life. He’s a huge gym rat and is very food conscious. He tells me what I can and can’t eat. If I want to cheat, he tells me that it will go straight to my fat ass. He lets me know if I’m putting on weight, but he also tells me when I look good and am making progress. I think it’s great that he’s so understanding of my issue. My friends think he’s mean to me. I don’t agree. What do you think, Greg? Nadia

FROM THE DESK OF GREG
Dear Weight Watchers,
This guy doesn’t sound like your personal trainer; he sounds like your personal bully. And to remind you, his job title is actually just personal boyfriend. But he’s a clever personal bully. He knows that you feel bad about yourself and leaps to take advantage of that. Bullies prey on people weaker than them. Even ones that lift weights every day. It’s time you use your quads and hamstrings—to run away from him and never come back.

I’m going to comment on the last three together. There’s lots of behavior that can be considered abusive that doesn’t include being beaten about the head and neck. That includes getting yelled at, being publicly humiliated, or being made to feel fat and unattractive. It’s hard to feel worthy of love when someone is going out of their way to make you feel worthless. Being told to get out of these relationships may not work for you. Knowing that you’re better than these relationships is the place to start. You are better than these relationships.

The “But Now I’m Playing in the Big Leagues” Excuse

Taken From: He’s Just Not That Into You

P.S.: Besides, I always wanted to marry a doctor!

FROM THE DESK OF GREG
Dear Old Yeller!
I don’t care if he’s studying to become the next Messiah. There is no reason to yell at anyone ever, unless you are screaming “LOOK OUT FOR THAT BUS!” And it’s not temporary. People who yell are people with anger issues who need help. People who yell are people who think they’re entitled to yell. Hey, hot stuff, do you want to be that couple? You know—that couple where the guy yells at his wife all the time? Even better, do you want him to be that dad? I didn’t think so. Don’t wait around for Mr. Hyde to turn back into Dr. Jekyll. Go meet a man who really knows what it means to take care of people.

The “It’s Behind Closed Doors That Counts” Excuse

Dear Greg,
I love my boyfriend. We live together and he is really good to me. He takes me on expensive vacations and buys me really lovely, thoughtful presents. I feel very secure with him. My friends are kind of not into him because he happens to make fun of me a little when we’re out together. He makes fun of the fact that I didn’t go to an Ivy League college, and likes to point out when I say something grammatically incorrect, or when I get a piece of information wrong. He loves to disagree with me in front of other people and make a big deal about me not knowing as much as I should about current affairs. I don’t care, I assume it just comes from insecurity. He’s not like that when we’re alone. I swear. So why should I care? Isn’t it how he treats me when we’re alone that counts? Nina

FROM THE DESK OF GREG
Dear Glutton for Punishment,
He sounds perfect, if you like bad people. Why would you want to be with someone who belittles you so that he can feel superior? And especially in front of your friends! Which Ivy League school has a program in public belittlement? Because that’s what this guy majored in if he thinks that insulting you in front of your friends is going to make him seem like anything other than an idiot. And why should you care if he treats you better when you’re alone? Because it sounds like he can’t wait to get you out in public just so he can humiliate you. Dump Mr. Smarty Pants. And go get a degree in A Man I Can Be Around My Friends With.

The “But He’s Just Trying to Help” Excuse

Taken From: He’s Just Not That Into You