Archive for November, 2009
November 28th, 2009
l 6) Do you think a bad guy can change into a good guy, within a relationship? m I’m loath to say this to someone who might be coming from an unhappy situation and is wanting me to validate it. I believe that anything is possible. However, my experience has been that most men do not change, and the ones I’ve seen change only changed when they met new women.
l 7) What if I only seem to be attracted to guys who are just not that into me? m Okay, so you have this crazy quirk that somehow makes you able to sniff out the men that are going to end up being emotionally unavailable to you. We can talk about why that is and what your priorities are that make these men seem attractive to you. However, what we can most quickly rectify is how long you stick around once you know that he’s just not that into you. A lot of guys, good and bad, are going to fly in your direction. Which ones you pick to invest your time in is where you have your control. Immediately.
l
C’mon, Greg. Admit it. Sometimes there are real, sincere reasons why a guy who really likes me isn’t able to get in a serious relationship with me. It doesn’t have to mean he’s just not that into me.
m Maybe there are men like that out there, maybe there aren’t. This is the only thing you need to remember: Mr. I’m Just Not Up For It is exactly the same guy as Mr. I’m Just Not That Into You.
Both guys don’t want to be with you. One of them may say he can’t be with you, but it’s still the same result. He isn’t going to be with you. Don’t let his personal complications confuse you into waiting around for him. He’s not able to be really into you. And you deserve better.
l 9) You seem to have a fascination with seeing women in their underwear. What’s that all about? m I don’t think there’s anything sexier than a woman in her underwear. Sue me!
Taken From: He’s Just Not That Into You
November 25th, 2009
l 3) What if I would rather be with someone who might not be that into me than be alone? m I get it. You can feel like crap and be alone. Or feel like crap and at least have someone to spend the holidays with. Got it. It seems like it might be a fair trade, except for the fact that it means the only two options you are giving yourself involve feeling like crap. By staying with the guy who’s not that into you, you are ensuring that you’re never going to find one that is. I say, not to anyone’s surprise, take the risk of not having someone to spend Christmas with, possibly feel lonely for a while, but know that you’re doing it for a much bigger payoff at the end.
l 4) Greg, do you really think there are that many men out there who are capable of being as loving as you think I deserve?
m Yes. I do. I do. I do. Otherwise I wouldn’t be writing this book.
l 5) Greg, in the book you say that I shouldn’t talk to my ex-boyfriend unless he’s begging to get back together with me. But then you also say that I should be suspicious of a guy that wants to get back together with me after he’s broken up with me. What’s up?
m Well, my first point was, I want you to see the difference between an ex who just misses you and needs a fix, and a man who realizes he made a mistake and eriously wants to get back together with you. But even then, I think you must proceed with caution and truly question this man’s motives. And I definitely want you to stay away from any man that keeps breaking up with you on a regular basis.
Taken From: He’s Just Not That Into You
November 22nd, 2009
I know some of these ideas are new to people and hard to digest. Because of that, I feel Greg still has a little explaining to do, to make sure no one walks away with the wrong idea. Okay, I’m not going to lie—I can use Greg to explain a few things…to me. Some of these ideas are hard to digest. —Liz
l 1) Greg, seriously, are you really sure I can’t ask the guy out? Guys say I’m intimidating. I should be allowed to help them out a bit. m Most of the great things we want in life are intimidating. That’s what makes life so darn exciting. Do you really have time for a guy who’s so afraid of you that he’s not even capable of inviting you
for coffee?
l 2) Greg, are you so sure there are so many great guys out there, that I can just throw all these other less-than-perfect guys away?
m I don’t know how to answer that except to say that being in a good relationship is much better than being in a bad relationship, and you’ll never be able to be in a good relationship if you’re sticking with Mr. Shitty What’s His Name. Only you can know if the relationship you’re in isn’t goodenough for you. A good indication that it’s not is if you’re only staying with What’s His Name because you’re scared.
Taken From: He’s Just Not That Into You
November 20th, 2009
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November 19th, 2009
Standard Suggestions
I will not go out with a man who hasn’t asked me out first.
I will not go out with a man who keeps me waiting by the phone.
I will not date a man who isn’t sure he wants to date me.
I will not date a man who makes me feel sexually undesirable.
I will not date a man who drinks or does drugs to an extent that makes me uncomfortable.
I will not be with a man who’s afraid to talk about our future.
I will not, under any circumstances, spend my precious time with a man who has already rejected me.
I will not date a man who is married.
I will not be with a man who is not clearly a good, kind, loving person.
Now it’s your turn. Only you know the standards you haven’t set for yourself. Write them down. Don’t forget them.
MY SUPER-HELPFUL STANDARDS THAT I WILL NEVER EVER FORGET OR FORSAKE NO MATTER HOW HOT I THINK HE IS:
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Glossary
Now that you’ve set your standards, we want to make sure you keep them. People talk about looking out for the red flags, but they don’t often tell you how to find them. That’s why we’ve comprised a handy glossary of the most-often-used words that guys say when what they really mean is “I’m just not that into you.”
Seemingly Innocent Words and Phrases That Can Also Be Used for Evil
Taken From: He’s Just Not That Into You
November 18th, 2009
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November 16th, 2009
Reset Your Standards
Sure, you say, “But I have standards.” Well, your standards led you to this book, so let’s raise them. Let’s set a dignified bar for you to exist at. Let’s put you in charge with how it’s going to go next time. (But you ask, “What if there isn’t going to be a next time?” And we say, “Stow that bad-news cargo on the sure-to-sink ship. Because that ship is about to hit Sad Island and we don’t want you on it.”)
A standard is setting a level for yourself of what you will or won’t tolerate. You get to decide how it’s going to be for you. You can now design the person you want to be in the future, and the standards you want to have. Write your new standards down so you’ll never ever forget them, no matter how cute he is or how long it’s been since you’ve had sex. (Okay, we admit it, some of our workbook things were a little silly, but this one we mean.) Make sure you know what you stand for and what you believe in.
And because we obviously think we know better than you (we got a book deal, didn’t we?), we’re going to give you some standard suggestions.
Taken From: He’s Just Not That Into You
November 13th, 2009
Okay. We just laid waste to your personal lives. We admit it. If all the women in this book listened to these answers, there would right now be a fresh crop of newly single women out there. Therefore, it seems like it’s our duty to discuss what one must do after the breakup.
We’re not psychiatrists or very girly (particularly Liz), so we’re not going to talk about candles and bubble baths and sending yourself flowers. But I think we could ask you to at least try to notice, even just a tiny bit, how good it feels to be out of a relationship with someone who actually wasn’t that into you. Can you at least feel that sense of relief? When you think about it, making all those excuses for someone and trying to “figure someone out” takes up a lot of energy. Think of all the time you’ve opened up for so many other more positive things besides obsessing over him. Yes, breakups are painful, even from someone you may have only dated a few times. You may have been really excited about him and had a lot of hopes for the future. But how empowering to have the mental clarity to say, “He just wasn’t thatinto me.” Can you imagine that girl in the future? Nothing will be able to stop her!
Now, there’s a million things you can do after a breakup; what you do during that time—yoga, affirmation tapes, murder—is your business. But basically you’re going to have to feel the pain, you’re going to have to go through it, and then you’re going to have to get over it. All we can try to do in this book is help you do it differently in the future. The first thing we’re going to recommend is setting some standards.
Taken From: He’s Just Not That Into You
November 10th, 2009
Sure. There are the stories. Guys that get pursued by some girl first and she ends up being the love of his life; the guy that treats this girl that he sometimes sleeps with like shit for a couple of years, but she keeps at him and now he’s a devoted husband and father; the guy who doesn’t call a girl that he’s slept with for a month, and then calls her and they live happily ever after; the woman who is sleeping with the married guy who she ends up marrying and having a blissful long-term marriage with.
We don’t want you to listen to these stories. These stories don’t help you. These stories are the exceptions to the rule. We want you to think of yourself as the rule. Thinking of yourself as the exception is what got you into this mess in the first place. Tell your friends to stop telling you these stories. Whenever you hear one of these stories, a story where some woman was treated badly but it all worked out okay in the end, just put your hands up to your ears and go “la-la-la-la-la!”
You are exceptional, but not the exception!
Taken From: He’s Just Not That Into You
November 7th, 2009
IF YOU DON’T BELIEVE GREG
A guy friend of mine refuses to break up with a woman he’s engaged to because he’s scared. (Yes, we’re a classy species.) When I beg the guy to pull the plug, he always says the same thing: “Greg, I’m waiting for the big fight. I’m just waiting for the big fight.” In the meantime, he picks on, bickers with, needles his fiancée, just so he can have the “big fight” and get it over with. It’s not pretty, but I hope it scares you just a bit.
100% of the guys polled said they have never tried to torture or humiliate a girl they were really into. Well, that’s a start.
What You Should Have Learned in This Chapter
l Life is hard enough as it is without choosing someone difficult to share it with.
l You deserve to be with someone who is nice to you all the time. (You have to be nice to them, too.)
l There’s never a reason to shout at someone unless they are in imminent danger.
l Freaks should remain at the circus, not in your apartment.
l You already have one asshole. You don’t need another.
l Make a space in your life for the glorious things you deserve.
l Have faith. What other choice is there?
Our Super-Good Really Helpful Workbook
If you’re in a relationship that you suspect is not good for you, but you’re not sure, do this simple exercise:
Take out a tape recorder. Tell the story of your relationship into it. Play it out loud. Imagine that your best friend in the whole world is telling you the story instead of you. Would you want better for her?
If it’s impossible for you to think you deserve better, try to at least believe one of your friends who thinks you deserve better…just long enough to get you out of the relationship.
Taken From: He’s Just Not That Into You